My second post is written partly as a form of procrastination from what I really should be doing right now; preparing for my imminent (very imminent) move to Valencia in Spain. I have indulged the fantasy of moving abroad to a country I know little about for a long while, and when presented with a straightforward opportunity to make this a reality, I decided to take the plunge. To say there is a doubt in my mind that this is the wisest thing to do right now would be somewhat of an understatement. This is probably the most nervous I have been before undertaking a new exploit in my life for a good long while. In times gone by when I had to make a new start somewhere I always knew someone within striking distance of where I was going. When I went to China at the age of 19 I was on a well structured volunteering programme, on which was also one of my best friends. When I went to university, I was going with four of my good childhood friends. When I moved to London I was lucky enough to have an entire host of friends from childhood and other times of life, not to mention being within 1 hour of home too.
So this is definitely stirring up feelings of trepidation and anxiety in me, manifesting in my usual routine of isolation, depression and general crotchetiness. But in terms of the potential benefits of this move, they far outweight my current worries. It's worth stating my extact fears, for the record and for therapeutic reasons; I may not be any good at what I am doing out there (English Teaching), I may not find a job easily, I may not meet anyone I get on with, I feel even more alone than I do now...But all of these fears are within my own abilities to alleviate and or provide solutions for. If I want to be good at English Teaching then I will have to work hard at it; If I want a job then I will have to both show that I deserve one and be proactive in finding one; if I want to find people I get on with I need to both be receptive to this and put effort into finding likeminded people. Ultimately all of our fears are either within our control to overcome, or completely fictitiuos and therefore irrelevant.
The benefits for spending time living and working in Spain are that I can learn a new language, I can enjoy a better quality of life and gain experience in the field of education. Juxtaposed with my unrealistic fears of loneliness and isolation are also corresponding goals that are equally fanastical. In my mind I am hoping that I will magically lose weight, find my ideal partner and finally feel as if I found my place in the world. These are possible, but they are also not very constructive things to hope for, because if they do not happen then I will see my move to Valencia as a failure. Focussing on the achievable aims of learning Spanish, learning and practising the skills of teaching and making some new friends from a different culture/ walk of life is a far more positive way of invisaging the results of my time in Spain. The thing about friendships is they just happen, and you can only do so much to force them. My experiences in the past is that quite often the best friends you make are in the most unlikely of places. The key is to afford yourself the time and space.
Whatever happens in my time in Spain, I will do my very best not to rely on food as my comfort. What I would most like is to find a release in doing physical exercise, especially with a group. Finding sports club to join would make a huge impact in many different ways.
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